I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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