Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
