I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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