the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Randomize
