Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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