During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
