I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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