some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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