Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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