but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
