All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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