her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
