i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
