I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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