Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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