meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
