you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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