you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
