she looked like the bat from fern gully.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
