i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
