my sisters under your porch take her home
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
