im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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