shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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