Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
