GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
