I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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