You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
