Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
