FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
