I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
