I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
