I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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