omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
