dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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