No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
