theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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