I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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