He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How external is "for external use only"?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
