i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
