it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
