I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
