Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
