yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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