I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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