He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
