I just gift wrapped bread.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
