i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
