I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
