i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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