Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
