You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
