so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
