WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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