I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
