the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
