Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
