i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
