I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
