chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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