sarcasm needs its own font
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
