i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
