apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
