I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize