guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
