He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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