i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
