thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
