i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
