he wants to bone in the snuggie
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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