She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize