Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
