Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
