im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize