Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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