the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
