this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
