I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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