Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
