You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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