someone threw a dead crab at me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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